"Video Camera Dads"

They are everywhere. They invade little league fields, tourist spots, living rooms on Christmas morning and anywhere else they are tolerated before getting a swift kick to the groin. They are Video Camera Dads.
I’ve never quite understood why they insist on video taping every freakin’ moment of life. Maybe they think their far-from riveting production will be enjoyed in households across America, but they are rarely enjoyed in their own household.
We’ve all been over to peoples’ houses and are enjoying a great evening when the words of death are heard - “You’ve got to see the footage from our trip to Montana…” You then quickly grab another piece of chicken and then proceed to fake-choke in attempts to get out of the impending misery.
During a recent trip to Europe I was at the St. Peters Basilica in Rome. It is one of the most magnificent structures in the world with beautiful art and sculptures that attract people from all over. I was absolutely blown away by the beauty of it and only an annoying video camera Dad could take me out of my awe. And sure enough there was one. Here is about how his narration went as the imbecile looked through the viewer. I stood there and listened in amazement.
“There is a door, that is the ceiling, there is the window, that is the floor…” –are you kidding me? Who is watching these things? He also made sure to pause on each interior fixture such as the doorway just so the audience could really get a feel for it in case they’d never seen a door, wall or ceiling before. The guy travels 6,000 miles, pays $200 for entrance for his family, ignores the work of Michelangelo, all so he can tape a blank wall. Makes perfect sense.
The guy will go home and say to his wife, “you know I didn’t feel like I was there and don’t think I really saw everything there was to see. Lets re-watch the tape so we really feel like we were there.” Uh, you were there! If the guy spent one-third of the time actually observing what was there to offer instead of taping the floor he might have actually got something out of the trip.
I have no doubt that eventually he got to the statue of David or the Mona Lisa, or whatever tourist place he was, but he’ll send his family and friends into a sleep-inducing coma caused by forty-four minutes of walls with nothing on them with his boring narrating well before they get to see any real history.
“Well at least we can relive our experience over and over on VHS tape,” the guy will attempt to tell his houseguests as they drool all over his couches that he video taped for hours after bringing them home from Z-gallery six months ago.
These Neanderthals also find it comical to videotape absolutely nothing. They’ll focus in on an unwilling subject for fif-teen minutes and find it completely comical when the person tells them to take a hike, then proceeds to sit there while the camera keeps rolling as they keep prodding the person to do or say something funny on command. “This is my best work,” the video camera Dad will think to himself as the subject tells him to F off a few times then slams the camera to ground and gives the video camera dad a swift shot to the nuts.
Before you start getting irrational and start stalking, tackling and maiming these video camera ignoramus creatures, keep in mind they do not know any better. If you see them politely tell them they’ve gone astray. If they don’t listen then you can strategically remove the camera from their grips and their families will thank you. The world will also become a more exciting, fun place thanks to your efforts.