…It happens every single time I’m out at a bar, restaurant, “The Hills Season 3 Premier,” or wherever there is a bathroom and a drunk idiot nearby. Why is it that every time I’m standing in a bathroom line some doofas has to ask me if I’m standing in the line for the bathroom? Here are some responses you can tell the ignoramus next time you are asked this ridiculous question as you are lined up directly outside the door with the large bathroom logo on it.
- “No I’m just standing here so I can watchh the chick I came with get hit on in her bathroom line while I stand here with seven guys I’ve never met, each of us enjoying the lovely stench emanating from that room with a bathroom logo on the door”
- “Wow thanks for asking. Not at all, actuually that is Weird Al Yankovic’s dressing room and all of us are waiting for him to come out so we can get our chests signed”
- “Great question! Actually Penelope Cruz iis doing a strip show inside and all of us are just trying to get a look. You should totally disregard those giant letters that spell, what is it? Oh yeah ‘Gentlemen’ ”
- “No, were standing in line to get into thhe Red Sox-Yankees game, where are your seats?”
- “This is the line, but I’m not in it. I just enjoy smelling the horrendous odor. It reminds me of when I was a kid and I used to swim in a pool of raw sewage and horse manure.”
- “Common mistake! I know the big sign thatt states ‘Men’s Restroom’ can really throw you off. This is actually the line to get a rectal exam. Myself and the seven other derelicts in line often enjoy doing one whenever we enter a bar, since good proctologists are hard to find these days.”
- “Really great guess, actually they are paassing out free lobster to everyone coincidentally in the same room that has a door with a large man logo on the outside and says ‘Bathroom’.”
- “Really glad you asked, when the owners oof the bar built this room they were afraid the large ‘Gents’ writing with the picture of a toilet would confuse people. Actually this is the line for a sex change operation, what are you going in for?”
- “Close, but no we’re all standing in linee to get N’Sync tickets. They disguise the ticket offices as bathrooms per a request from Lance Bass.
…Have we gotten to the point with the invention of Evite invitations that we can’t even invite someone over anymore without one? No longer can you just invite some people over to watch the game, but now you need to send them an Evite. I tried to invite my friend Karen over to watch “The Hills,” episode (oops did I say that out loud) and she wanted me to send her an Evite. I was like actually I’m just inviting you over the phone, so see you Monday? Nope still need an Evite, sorry. What’s next, you meet a girl at a bar, then have to scramble home to conjure up a quick Evite for an invite over to your place?